"We will keep right on living"

Blogging. who would have thought it would be so hard to do it consistently? I'd like to think I'm very good at it and come up with many interesting and catching posts..but, to be honest, I'm quite dreadful at it. Oh well. Perhaps in time I will get better.

Tonight what is on my mind the most is the idea of time..and with regards to time I am mainly thinking about the fact that I am getting older. obviously. But time brings so much more than just age..it brings change with it. Of course change is not always a bad thing, but sometimes it is hard to accept. My grandparents have just moved out of the house they have lived in for 50 years. That, of course, brings much change. I was walking through the nearly empty house a few days ago and couldn't help but feel out of place. It was no longer the home I remembered so well. Instead, it was a big empty house with a  SOLD sign stuck in the yard. I wandered through the house letting my fingers trace along the walls that seemed to have so much life in them. Life that I was apart of, and now a life that would no longer be.

My grandparents moving has truly made me dwell on the idea of "place." "Place" is not simply somewhere you go to take a break from the busyness of living your life.  "Place" is where you live your life. It shapes one's character like everything else. My grandparents designed, built, and loved their house. They lived every day in it, building it up and making it home. It is because of their love for the house that my mom, her siblings, and now I have a great love for it. It is not simply a structure. It is built of love filled memories. This is the house I remember, and it is the house I choose to remember..for it is no longer going to be that house. It will take on new memories and will become someone else's "place."

As hard as this is, I have to keep reminding myself that this change isn't all bad. I guess I should correct what I said earlier. It's not that the love that exists in those walls will be gone, it will simply take on another form. This new form will also change each of us, and one day, it too will be where many memories are found.

What this has to do with me getting older I'm not entirely sure. Perhaps it is that I feel like I am leaving my childhood behind with the house.  Of course I still have my memories, but they no longer live in that house, they now live only in me. Sometimes I wish I could remain a child forever..though I know it is foolish to wish such things. There is richness in every stage of life, and wisdom to be gained through each. But sometimes it seems it would be so. much. easier.  But that is not the way the world was made. So, to quote Wendell Berry's Hanna Coulter, "we will keep right on living."

Memories

A year ago today my mamaw died. I've spent the day thinking much of her and remembering fond memories I shared with her. These memories are truly beautiful to me and I'm sure they always will be. I cling to them, never wanting to forget her smile or her laugh or her joyful countenance. Each one lives inside me as a colorful picture so I may never forget.

So, here are a small few of my memories with her..

I remember when I was little going up to the trailer my mamaw and papaw used to own in the mountains to spend a few days. I loved that trailer. It was small, but homely and familiar to me, and the scenery was beautiful. But my favorite memories of that place aren't the forests and winding roads through the mountain, but rather the early mornings. My sister Michelle and I would wake up and meet my mamaw in the kitchen. we'd make hot tea and grab a bowl of gingersnaps and go sit out on the porch in rocking chairs that looked over the edge of the mountain. They were cool mornings and we would listen to the birds chirping and watch the day come to life. My sister and I would sit there dipping our gingersnaps into our tea listening as my mamaw told us stories. She'd tell us things she'd done as a young girl and how she met my papaw, and she'd tell us funny stories of when my dad was little. I'd sit and listen, following my mind back through many years and shaping images in my imagination. she would also tell us the names of the birds that were chirping, and we would have fun spying them in the trees. I loved these times, and looked forward to them always.

I remember her smile, and the way she would talk to you like you were the dearest person in the world to her. I remember her hugs, and her kind, wise words of advice. I remember her laugh as something I always loved to listen to. When she smiled, you smiled, when she laughed, you laughed. 

I remember thoroughly enjoying car rides with her. whenever we would go around a sharp turn she would say "whee!" as though we were on a roller coaster and I would always laugh. I'm not sure if she did that for our benefit or because she really thought it was fun. regardless, I thought it was hilarious...and now I do it.. :)

I love these memories. But even more than the memories I love the woman they are centered around. I miss her, and think of her often. and I look forward to the time when one day I no longer need those memories because I'll be with her again.

mamaw as a young mother. lovely

I haven't blogged in months. of course, I've been meaning to, but it never seemed to happen. I've even sat down several times and started a post, but never seemed to be able to finish it. So, this time I'm determined to to finish...

a small bit of my life over the past few months:

chalk with my little nephews

  Ransom loves humpty dumpty. he goes around the house saying "dumpy dumpty." so I (sort of) drew with chalk and Ransom kept pointing at it saying "dumpy dumpty!"

baking christmas cookies

hiking 

Sola Coffee Shop. delicious