Blogging. who would have thought it would be so hard to do it consistently? I'd like to think I'm very good at it and come up with many interesting and catching posts..but, to be honest, I'm quite dreadful at it. Oh well. Perhaps in time I will get better.
Tonight what is on my mind the most is the idea of time..and with regards to time I am mainly thinking about the fact that I am getting older. obviously. But time brings so much more than just age..it brings change with it. Of course change is not always a bad thing, but sometimes it is hard to accept. My grandparents have just moved out of the house they have lived in for 50 years. That, of course, brings much change. I was walking through the nearly empty house a few days ago and couldn't help but feel out of place. It was no longer the home I remembered so well. Instead, it was a big empty house with a SOLD sign stuck in the yard. I wandered through the house letting my fingers trace along the walls that seemed to have so much life in them. Life that I was apart of, and now a life that would no longer be.
My grandparents moving has truly made me dwell on the idea of "place." "Place" is not simply somewhere you go to take a break from the busyness of living your life. "Place" is where you live your life. It shapes one's character like everything else. My grandparents designed, built, and loved their house. They lived every day in it, building it up and making it home. It is because of their love for the house that my mom, her siblings, and now I have a great love for it. It is not simply a structure. It is built of love filled memories. This is the house I remember, and it is the house I choose to remember..for it is no longer going to be that house. It will take on new memories and will become someone else's "place."
As hard as this is, I have to keep reminding myself that this change isn't all bad. I guess I should correct what I said earlier. It's not that the love that exists in those walls will be gone, it will simply take on another form. This new form will also change each of us, and one day, it too will be where many memories are found.
What this has to do with me getting older I'm not entirely sure. Perhaps it is that I feel like I am leaving my childhood behind with the house. Of course I still have my memories, but they no longer live in that house, they now live only in me. Sometimes I wish I could remain a child forever..though I know it is foolish to wish such things. There is richness in every stage of life, and wisdom to be gained through each. But sometimes it seems it would be so. much. easier. But that is not the way the world was made. So, to quote Wendell Berry's Hanna Coulter, "we will keep right on living."
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